You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize