Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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