dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I lost the right to judge tonight
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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