I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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