Got a toothbrush?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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