that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize