she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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