one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I supernannyed him into submission
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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