it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
