Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
