i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
