i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize