in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize