I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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