Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize