If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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