I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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