Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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