You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize