Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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