I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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