We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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