so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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