booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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