What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize