You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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