i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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