If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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