the day after is always just damage control
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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