would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize