these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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