who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
