i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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