cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize