If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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