I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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