So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
did you just send me my own nude
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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