I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize