i jhust puked up my retainher.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
being pregnant is like rehab
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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