Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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