Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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