i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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