Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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