Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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