Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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