don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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