Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize