god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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