we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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