There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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