Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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