It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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