Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize